Naming the name

We can’t stop doing what we don’t know we’re doing and we can’t find release from what we’re not willing to admit, but we can change anything we are willing to name.

Emotions are goal-oriented activities that we do on purpose to achieve something we want. Acting happy or angry is not the result of circumstances or people. It’s the result of what we think and believe about circumstances or people.

We can help ourselves by naming our emotions more precisely, based on why we’ve chosen to express them. Instead of saying, “You make me angry when you do that!”, start acknowledging your underlying motivation and being more honest to yourself by saying: “I believe that you should do what I want you to do, and I can’t stand it when you don’t, so I’m choosing anger to try to manipulate you because I like being in control.”

Emotions are always causing effects but not always achieving the desired results. And by naming our emotions based on our intention, it is more likely we can get what we truly want.

Here is another example of 'Naming the Name': Instead of saying, “You hurt me when you look at other women,” say to yourself, “I need to feel safe and loved, but I’m afraid I might lose my partners' interest when he looks at other women. So I’m choosing to express jealousy and anger, to manipulate him to pay attention to me.” Speaking the truth to yourself about yourself will always set you free, although it might make you angry first.

It feels quite liberating to then be able to say: “I want you to enjoy the moments you’re with me, and also the moments you’re not with me. And I want us to enjoy being together, because we want it, not because we’re obligated.”

Try out 'Naming the Name' first and then reformulate and communicate your emotions in line with your true intentions and see how it will transform your daily experiences.