Emotions are goal-oriented

Our emotions are goal-oriented activities that we do on purpose to achieve something we want. And feeling sad or happy is not the result of people or circumstances – it’s the result of whatever we’re thinking and believing about that.

If we feel offended and get angry, it’s because we already had a belief that said, “That shouldn’t happen. That person shouldn’t do that." Most of our beliefs originated when we were young. And our emotional responses to the people around us originate from something that’s already active in us, which means that blaming them and making them wrong isn’t reasonable or appropriate.

Before trying to fix what’s happening on the outside, we need to first deal with what’s happening on the inside of us. We can be in harmony with any person, thing or situation as soon as we drop what we believe should be different about that person, thing or situation.

To be in charge of our emotions, we need to name what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, the result it’s getting, and whether it’s the result we want. And if not, what do we truly want, and how can we best get it?

It will help to name our emotions precisely, based on why we’re doing them. Instead of saying, “You make me angry!” say, “I can’t stand it when you don’t do what I want you to do, and I choose anger to try to manipulate you.”

We can’t stop what we don’t know we’re doing, but we can change anything that we’re willing to name!